


Mutual Understanding

by InterPlanetaryGirl



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Leo takes care of Nico, M/M, TW: Self Harm, but it has a happy ending, tw: depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 18:25:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3457286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterPlanetaryGirl/pseuds/InterPlanetaryGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They continue like that for two more games, before piling back into the minibus, Nico having won a game along with Annabeth and, surprisingly, Percy. They were contemplating going to get some food, but Argus reminded them that it'll be time for dinner when they get back to camp, give or take ten minutes. And, to Leo and Nico's relief, they didn't start kissing apart from the kiss Piper gave to Jason because he was complaining about how his spares were never fair and there was no chance of him getting them. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Basically, it's loooong after the war and Leo never died, never went back for Calypso (Idk I didn't really know when to fit it in) and then some of them go bowling and then Nico tells Leo that they'll hang out after dinner and stuff happens. But not like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mutual Understanding

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what to say at this point other than please don't read if it might trigger you, but if not, then please read ahead.

Nico had been doing it for a while now. Nico didn't see a problem with it, but he knew that everybody else would, and so kept it to himself. He took out the small dagger, that he kept in his draws, and sat down in front of the full length mirror that he has, for some reason, in his cabin. He took his aviator jacket off and placed it beside him delicately, before looking up and down his arms. His left arm was covered in scars that were mostly healed, while his right was covered in fresh, raw, scars, some beginning to heal and scabbing over, but most just raw.

Nico breathed evenly as he watched himself bring the knife to his left arm, and slice. Repetively. When he did this, he could say that he had an out of body experience and that he didn't know what he was doing ect, but he'd be lying. He knew exactly what he was doing and how. But he couldn't feel it. He figured it didn't matter where he did it because he was numb all over and doesn't feel it anyway. Why he was doing it though? He couldn't answer that, and he didn't know if he ever would be able to. It could be because of Bianca's death that still haunted his dreams, though he wasn't there, the nightmares he had around the time of her death still haunted him; it could be because all of his life he felt like he never belonged, even with the seven saying that he was one of them, he certainly didn't feel like it; maybe it was because he was still coming to grips with his new, developing, crush on Leo Valdez. He doesn't think much of this as a reason though because he accepted a while ago that he was attracted to guys. He just didn't know why, though he considered it a combination of the first two, plus any current nightmares from his days in Tartarus.

There was a knock on his cabin door though right as he was making another cut though, and he started to panic slightly - he didn't want any of the others to know about this because he knew they'd never understand anything about it, and they'd probably keep him in quarantine with no sharp objects in sight, or just keep somebody with him at all times. "Hang on a second!" Nico called to whoever was at the door as he clambered up and to his bathroom to deposit the knife in the sink and grab a bandage from the small shelf and wrap it around his arm as quickly, although rather messily, as he could, before slipping his jacket on and opening the door to be met with an awkwardly smiling Leo Valdez. Nico tenses even more at this moment, hoping that it wasn't too obvious what he was doing, because the last person he wanted to find out (other than Hazel) was Leo, because he doesn't want his already low reputation to get any lower with Leo.

"Yes?" Nico asked, slightly out of breath from rushing around, though he tried not to show it as much as possible.

"Well I was just wondering if you wanted to come bowling with the rest of us, because I don't want to be alone?" Leo asked nervously, he looked as if he was asking Nico out on date or something Nico thought to himself, but then reminded himself _Don't get your hopes up Di Angelo_ before looking at Leo properly - he was slightly red, his hands moving constantly, eyes constantly looking anywhere but Nico and his small, nervous, not-usual smile. Nico considered for a moment before saying "Okay, could be fun." And Leo looked him dead in the eyes and smiled his usual toothy grin that made Nico smile a little too. So he nervously smooths out his aviator jacket before walking past Leo quickly to walk to where the others were waiting, by Jason's cabin. Nico wonders how they're getting there until Argus walks over to them, in his usual chauffeur uniform he wears while driving campers to and from places in the city, before motioning for them to follow him.

When they reach the minibus, they all pile in. Him and Leo the last two to get in are naturally stuck with the seats further back, but neither really mind it apart from the fact there is nowhere but each other or out the window to look when the others become too coupley for their taste. But in less than half an hour (with only the second fifteen minutes being taken up by the others kissing) they're there, and Leo and Nico are the first to rush out before the others even noticed they'd arrived. None of them apologized for making out, and neither of Leo or Nico expected them to, but it would be nice if once in a while on one of these day trips, they didn't just get caught up with making out. Leo signs them all in, and turns to Nico, "You do know how to play, right, di Angelo?" he teases.

"Of course I do. They had bowling back then, and they had it in the Lotus Casino." Nico replies with a huff before sighing. And once they were all ready to play, Percy started them off. He hit five pins first try, and the other five the second. Jason was up next and got eight, but complained furiously that it wasn't fair because the two he had left were the outer two and he would never get them and then proceeded to miss getting even one of them. Annabeth got a strike, Piper got an easy spare, Leo got a strike, which surprised all of them, (besides Nico, who had played a lot of Wii bowling and various other virtual bowling games with Leo in Bunker 9) and when it came to Nico's turn, the ball he picked was one of the heavier ones, but he could handle it. When he switched his hands so that he could roll it with his left to their surprise (again, besides Leo who had seen him play left handed, though he was right handed with a sword, it confused even him, so don't ask) and went ahead and got a strike.

They continue like that for two more games, before piling back into the minibus, Nico having won a game along with Annabeth and, surprisingly, Percy. They were contemplating going to get some food, but Argus reminded them that it'll be time for dinner when they get back to camp, give or take ten minutes. And, to Leo and Nico's relief, they didn't start kissing apart from the kiss Piper gave to Jason because he was complaining about how his spares were never fair and there was no chance of him getting them.

By the time they got back to camp, everybody was already filing into the dining pavilion, so they all slipped in behind their respective cabins and ate, including Nico who, thanks to Leo, was starting to sit down with the rest of camp and have regular meals. (It took a good day of constantly annoying him on Leo's end, but he didn't mind.)

Nico continues to pick at his food when he's finished, until Leo finishes. He's never fully outright when he says he wants to hang out with Leo and agree to meet him down at the bunker, and he doesn't feel it right if he went and waited for Leo in the bunker (because he might not even go there straight away even though he always seems to, without fail) because that's Leo's space and his siblings rarely go there with him, and Nico is his most frequent visitor. Nico shadow travelled into the forest to wait for Leo to walk past Zeus' fist, so he sat on top. Leo didn't miss him when he walked past, just motioning for Nico to follow him, which he didn't hesitate to.

When they got down there though, Leo looked extremely unusually serious, which Nico never saw him like unless there was some kind of dangerous part of when he builds things. "Nico," he sighs slightly. "I know." And Nico started to panic, walking backwards with an awkward chuckle, knocking into something half-built and, quite frankly, unrecognisable as to what it was. Nico wanted to know what Leo knew - the fact he had a crush on him, or the cuts?

"What? There's nothing _to_ know." Nico said nervously as he stopped walking, close enough to the shadows that he could get out of there in a second if he needed/wanted, but still in the light enough for Leo to see him clearly. 

"I know that you like Percy." Leo sighed, and he seemed almost _disappointed_ , but Nico thought that couldn't be right for him to feel that way unless he thought it was some kind of competition.

"No I don't." Nico said, telling the truth, mildly confused as to why he had thought that. He had told Percy himself that he didn't feel like that anymore, and Annabeth was there to witness it and gave him a high five.

"Yes you do, Jason told me." Of course he would, and of course he wouldn't be caught up as to the events that are now almost a year old. But he knows what movies are in the theatres that are to be released in the next 3-6 months.

"Jason is stupid and knows nothing." Nico said simply. "I _used to like_ Percy, there's a big difference." And the first emotion that he could see on Leo's face was relief. Nico began to get suspicious, but quickly dismissed the thoughts.

"Oh...Okay then." Leo says, regaining his usual atmosphere.

"Why did you want to know?" Nico asked him.

"Because we're best friends, right?" Nico nods at this. "Well, I wondered why you hadn't told me, so...yeah." Leo finished, before walking over to his desk and sorting through a few things, making sure that it was organised in the order that it's going to be made, or at least decided if it's worth while or not.

"Is that it?" Nico asked, throat dry slightly.

"Well, we could hang out later, if you want?" Leo offers.

"Are you sure you're not too busy?" Nico asks cautiously.

"Why would I do work when I can hang out with my best buddy?" Leo asks with a small laugh, and Nico feels his cheeks heat up as he smiles slightly.

"Sure, okay, I'll drop by again later." Nico tells him before disappearing into the shadows, back to his cabin. The first thing he did was fish the dagger out from under his bed and place it in the draw again, before taking the time to clean up up his arm, and make sure that the blood was all clear, apart from the fresh that had started to flow when he took the bandage off, because it tore off what had healed of them so far because the bandage had become stuck to it and then wrapped it up again, firmly so that it wouldn't come loose between now and the end of the day, but would also keep from losing too much blood loss. He likes the sensation he got at the beginning, the tingling that occured before it settled and his body calmed down. He didn't take any ambrosia or nectar, he didn't like to use them like that. He also liked to see the natural healing process, he liked to see the scars close over slowly. He found it a rather peaceful pass time to just look at the scars, though he could never actual see them do anything.

And, over the past few years, he had adapted so that he could still sword fight, and could still take on multiple monsters and win, barely scratched. It took a lot of training to get to that stage, but he was proud of how far he had come in that aspect.

And the itching feeling came back. The itching feeling that made it hard for him to ignore the thing he wanted to do most. But he ignored it, he looked at the tv that Leo had installed for him and looked at the mvies stacked up on the second shelf down, mostly disney and other animated ones, but also the entire set of Marvel movies released, and some tv shows, like Doctor Who, Supernatural and The Walking Dead. (All courtesy of Leo, who, at the time of handing them to him, remarked how Nico would like The Walking Dead because 'their just like you Nico!'). And Nico chose the movie he didn't watch often, but actually loved a lot - Beauty and The Beast. He doesn't know what he loves about it in particular, probably the fact Belle gives up her freedom to save her father, and then falls in love with the person she least expected to. Well, second most. (After Gaston of course)

But anyway, Nico watches that and tried his very best to ignore the constant itching beneath his skin, tries his best to not scratch at it, or press on to relieve some of the feeling, but it doesn't work. It begins to drive him nuts by the time it gets to the ballroom scene, and Nico thinks he might go crazy from the nagging voice in the back of his head, becoming louder as he tries to keep the impending feeling of doom that threatened to take over.

And Nico throws all those feelings away as he jumps up from his bed, grabbing the knife from the draw and unwrapping the bandage as fast as he can before dragging the knife across the skin, seemingly deeper than usual, and let out a breath of relief as the voice and the itching went away. He did it again, making more cuts with surprisingly elegant and careful movements of the hand. And when he was finished and about to put it away, the door crashed open, and slammed shut, and in walked a very frantic Leo. But Nico was so surprised by Leo walking in that he yelped and the knife flew out of his hand and landed with a clatter on the floor, in the space between the space.

Leo stopped whatever he was saying to stare at it for a moment, before his eyes flickered to Nico's face and then down to his wrist that was extremely bloody by this point, since he was going to clean it up after putting the knife away. The silence was deafening and you could hear the occasional drip of blood landing on the wooden floor. Nico was extremely red in the face, getting caught in his act, but Leo was simply shocked. But he didn't seem that surprised by it.

"Nico..." Leo said carefully, not patronizingly, or in a mean way that showed he was scared or afraid of what would happen as he took a step towards Nico, who continued to stay glued to the floor, eyes fixed with Leo's. Leo proceeded to walk towards Nico slowly, careful not to startle him, and then enveloped him in a hug. And he didn't care when Nico probably got blood on his shirt as he hugged back tightly, relishing in the human contact. Nobody said anything while they hugged for what could be hours, but was, in actuality, only minutes.

When their legs began to ache, Leo let go of him and then gripped his hands before leading him to the bathroom, taking time to clean the wounds, repeating the same process Nico had before. But the way Leo did it made it seem so much more careful, and time worthy. He seemed to be doing it because he wanted to do it; and not for himself, for Nico. To make sure he was okay, unlike Nico who simply does it for the others, so they don't worry about him. But that was probably too late, and he would run and tell everybody about his issues.

"Leo..." Nico croaked, his throat incredibly dry and his eyes stinging, threatening for tears to fall.

"Yes?" Leo answered

"Please don't...please don't tell- tell the others." Nico managed to get out.

"I won't. Promise." Leo held his pinky out for Nico, who shook it with a grateful smile.

"Promise." Nico whispers, and Leo leans forward to kiss Nico's forehead, and Nico can't help but blush and try to get a response out, and he simply can't. But Leo acts as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Now...About that promise to hang out later. It's later." Leo says, and when Nico nods slowly, Leo interlocks his fingers with his and guides him out to the bed, before putting Wall-E in the dvd player and settling next to Nico.

***

Nico knew that it wouldn't be easy for him to quit, and when it got worse at some times, he did take refuge in his knife. But when Leo found him, broken down and alone in his cabin, he wrapped him up again and they watched a movie. Neither talked openly about what went on, but they had a mutual understanding about what went on afterwards, and they both treasured what they had with each other.

***

Nico did get through the worst of it after a nine and a half months,(meaning he often felt bad, but he managed to not take refuge in the pain, and the numbness went away for long periods of time) and it took another month before Leo asked him out on an official date. He messed up a lot, and stumbled over his words, and was bright red, but Nico kissed him lightly and said yes anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Basically I wrote this because I just had these feels and needed to get them out I guess. I don't know why I chose these two to do this idea for, but basically, I always always want somebody to be there to do this kind of thing and help me without being patronizing about my self harm, but they all just treat me like a little kid and walk on eggshells around me, and I know that people don't want that (at least not personally) and sometimes all you need is to watch a movie with your best friend. (But I ship them majorly so I also fitted that in, and I wrote that end bit just because I know that it doesn't go away when you fall in love and I didn't want it to seem that way...so yeah)


End file.
